You know when you feel you’ve grown up a bit? Yeah, that.

August was a month of growth for me. Not just in the sense that I’m now another year older, but in the sense that I’ve hit a few personal milestones out of the proverbial park. Some have been tiny, but necessary, and others have been pretty big. I’ve been hurt, I’ve been super super happy, but most of all, I’ve come out the other side to say hi to September.

I also picked up these insanely cool grey wide leg pleated palazzo style trousers that are giving me the most amount of life.

photos by: hannah international

sunglasses: forever21 // navy halter crop top: boohoo //  grey pleated wide leg trousers: 210 (edae) // shoes: edae 

Growth is one of those things that we all do, but it seems to only be recognised when it’s from a positive thing. At least, that’s my perception, anyway. When I was growing up, if I ever made mistakes, it was never really acknowledged as a good thing, and even in my adult life now, I’m terrified to do something in case I’m doing it wrong. A lot of August was me consciously trying to unlearn that behaviour so that I could see my mistakes for what they actually are: a means to learn from a way that didn’t work. 

Mistakes are an important part of growing up, and seeing them consistently as a bad thing is a pretty unhealthy behaviour. Mostly because we’re told to avoid the bad things in life, but also because trying to be perfect all the time is exhausting and, quite frankly, pretty impossible. While there’s the frustration of not being able to do something right the first time (or, if you’re like me, embarrassment), that feeling doesn’t last forever and the breathing room that comes with chance number two is pretty liberating. If there isn’t a second opportunity, then I guess you can do one of two things: wallow till you forget, or use it as a time for some self reflection. Even though I still do a lot of the first, trying to see more of my mistakes as a point to learn from has been a pretty big step for me, rather than just ostritching* or running away completely. 

(*ostritching: where you stick your head in the metaphorical sand and ignore what is going on around you)

I also think I’ve managed to grow a bit more of a backbone in August. By nature, I’m a pretty easy-going person. I am not one for boat rocking or messing around with apple carts. Even if I’m not 100% down for doing A Thing, if someone really wants to go to, or do, said thing, I’ll more often than not comply. I’ve spoken about having a tendency to be a little bit reckless before, and generally it works out, but in the situations that it hasn’t I’ve ignored that little voice in my head running around screaming ‘THIS WON’T END WELL DON’T DO IT’.

So I started listening to it a bit more.

Not in a sense of not wanting to do the things, but if I have a bad feeling about it, or I’ve not wanted to do it, then I’ll say no. I’m chronically bad at being able to say no, especially when it’s to help someone out and on my end it is basically all lose. Life sucks when you’re a bit of a people pleaser… But, as it turns out, trying to please everyone is about as exhausting as trying to be perfect constantly, and I’m done living my life in a constant state of non-work-related exhaustion. Slowly, I’ve been saying no to things that I don’t want to do, but felt obliged to do in the past, or sorting out terms so they’re more in my favour. I’ll still be helping out my friends, but the reasoning is less ‘because I feel I need to’ and more ‘because I actually want to’, which is all around way more healthy.

Also, one of the most major backbone moments was me yelling at a taxi driver in full korean because he was trying to take me not only to the wrong place, but the longest way he could so I’d be charged more. It’s a long enough story that you’d get bored reading it. but the crux of the matter is that the driver wasn’t happy that I questioned what he was doing, said some really rude things about foreigners in Korea that he didn’t think I heard, when I asked him to repeat it he told me to get out and get another taxi. I totally would’ve done if there had been any other taxis, or had been in a place I at least recognised, but instead I decided to stand up for myself. I’m honestly super proud that I told him to take me exactly where I asked to go, no detours, and if he was fine with abandon me in an unknown place at night, he’d be fine with me to pay how much the taxi drive should have been from my original starting point.

And that’s exactly what happened.

{ I will just note that usually, taxi’s are absolutely fine to take in Korea. They’re a really great way to get around the cities if you know your destination. It’s just a few bad eggs that will want to try and fleece obvious looking foreigners. In my  1 1/2 years living here (including my year abroad) that’s the second bad taxi driver I’ve run into. And I take a lot of taxis. }

Considering I’m still not super confident speaking in Korean, this was a huge moment for me. Like, actual win moment.

The final (and obvious) way that something has grown in August is my wardrobe. Oops times one million, but I’ve been adding pieces to it that I wOULD HAVE NEVER BOUGHT EVEN 3 MONTHS AGO. I’m actually really enjoying the fact I can be both a lot more free, and a lot more experimental without judgment in my style here. There are so many fun pieces that are super easy to pick up and try. One of which is this pair of silver/grey pleated wide leg trousers and I am so in love with them I actually get a bit emotional. Over trousers. Yes, I know.

They’re so comfortable. 

[ what I’m wearing 

I’m not the tallest of people (repping that 160 top end of petite but still definitely petite life), so trousers are something that I have a really hard time buying. Generally, everything is always too long in the leg, or doesn’t fit my waist, or both, or it just looks so wrong it’s laughable. But in Korea (and East Asia in general. I think), the sizes tend to run a bit smaller, and the girls are, on the whole, more similar height-wise to me. So trouser shopping becomes much, much less of a hassle. Things actually start to fit. I’ve been seeing this style knocking around the whole of summer and was desperately trying to muster up the courage to get a pair, until I saw these in a shop in Edae for 10000W (around £7?) and thought ‘fuck it’. They’re super comfortable, elasticated waist, I can wear them for work, they’re not too long, and they’re really fun to wear. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to pick more up in this style (sobs, because I really wanted a striped pair), but they have definitely sparked an affinity for wide-leg trousers. I need more. 

I decided that since the trousers have a lot of movement going on, that the top half needed to be a lot more basic. This boohoo halterneck crop top is something that I’ve had for years, but it rarely makes an appearance outside of beach or height of summer scenarios. I felt that it’d work really well here, though, as the colours complement each other quite nicely for an ‘end of summer’ look, even though it’s still knocking about the high-20’s here in Korea. To bring it into Autumn, I’d probably throw on a light cropped jacket, or a trusty Trench coat for the colder evenings. .

For footwear (and to make sure that my feet wouldn’t cry if I ended up walking for ages) I shoved my feet in my new fave trainers – thorough Korean Gucci dupes, I am not made of money, sadly – on my feet. They’re so cute. 

Finally, can we take a moment to talk about these sunglasses? They’re from forever21, and I’ve been looking for a pair since I decided taking a trip to the Gentle Monster store was a good idea (aka, it wasn’t…. I wanted everything. I’m really in love with more see-through, coloured lenses right now, and since brights are set to be such an autumn staple, I thought this would be a really easy way for me to wear yellow, since it’s a colour I normally shy away from. 

And now I need m o r e.]

I hope my ramblings have inspired you to maybe not be so afraid of making mistakes, or try doing more things that scare you, even if it’s just in the way of clothes. I’d really love it if you all try and do something that you’ve wanted to do for ages in September – if it’s possible! Let me know what it is in the comments!

Also, don’t forget to follow me over on instagram – I generally post a lot of my outfits, modelling work, and daily Korea snaps on there first. Plus, sometimes I do lives on there now?!

♥

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